I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
