What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
