he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it's like iHOP with fire
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
