Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
