I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
