He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
