My cat gives me a boner
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize