I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
