the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
