I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
