either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize