I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
