things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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