the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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