im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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