I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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