yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Couch. On fire.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize