Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just invented taco cereal.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
