Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
