WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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