it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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