I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
