i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
