I'm so fucking centered right now
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
