What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
