I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
