you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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