Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
