Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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