alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
