No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
my poor anus
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
