i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
