Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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