turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
