actually, I'm a sock model
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
