my phone needs a breathalizer
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
