i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
