I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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