I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize