I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
