found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
