woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
