I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize