We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
