I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize