She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
