I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I know her cup size but not her name....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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