i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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