Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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