All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
