I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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