summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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