I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
