Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
