The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
