i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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