you didnt know i had herpes?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
