Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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