his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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