the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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