Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
