have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
