census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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