the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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