I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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