its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
