The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
