You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize