I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
