So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
