Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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