I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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