Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
