the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
