put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize