why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
