Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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