How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
