Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
