I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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