I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize