Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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