Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
