While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
