just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
