How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize