That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
