Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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