Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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