I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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