I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize