Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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