I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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