Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
