ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize