yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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