This is not my ceiling
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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