she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
