Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize