I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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