It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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