U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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