What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize