someone threw a dead crab at me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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