i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
