he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
