Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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