dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
